I'm Terrified

"I'm terrified" By Claire St. John/Enterprise staff writer Published Aug 29, 2005 - 15:08:20 CDT.

Laurie Loving gave birth to her son [name hidden to protect him from retaliation ] under a maple tree 21 years ago. He grew up participating in peace and justice rallies but liked to play with toy guns and plastic soldiers.

He was known around Davis as a polite young man, but one who didn't like to be told what to do.

That's why Laurie felt shocked when her son talked about joining the military after he met a recruiter at King High School.

Years passed. But by the time [ ] deployed to Iraq 12 days ago, her dismay had only deepened.

"As a peace and justice activist, I was stunned," she said. "As a mother, I'm terrified."

Loving hung up on her son when he told her he'd joined the U.S. Army, but she says now that military life has sculpted him into an adult.

"He's turned out to be a great soldier, very responsible and dedicated," Laurie said.

"He's been able to shed his ambiguity in his life," agreed his stepfather, Russell Loving.

Russell served in the military during Vietnam, and Laurie believes in the "necessary evil" of a military defense.

But watching [ ] ship out to a war they don't believe in was heart-wrenching.

"I've been in the military before, so I don't have a blanket objection to defending our country," Russell said. "You just have to make sure that they're doing it for all the right reasons."

For security reasons, [ ] couldn't tell anyone exactly when he was leaving. Laurie and Russell visited him and his wife in June, knowing the day was rapidly approaching.

And then on Tuesday, Aug. 16, he was gone.

"I prayed on my knees for the first time since childhood the night he left," Laurie said. "I prayed for him, all the soldiers and the Iraqi people. I even prayed for the insurgents because we could all be those people, given different circumstances."

[ ]has a different last name than the Lovings. They worry if they reveal it, he might be skipped over for promotions or suffer other repercussions for having peace-activist parents.

They can't say where in Iraq he is stationed, either, but that's because they simply don't know. And that makes it hard watching almost daily reports of soldiers dying and wondering if the next 48 hours will bring someone in full uniform with the worst news imaginable.

Reports of soldiers dying and President Bush's refusal to meet with Cindy Sheehan - a Vacaville mother camped in front of Bush's Texas ranch, demanding to know what her son died for - have made many drop their support for the war.

More parents are signing on to Military Families Speak Out (www.mfso.org), voicing dismay that their children are risking life and limb for a cause that might be dubious.

Laurie belongs to a local military parents' support group, one she said is mostly "pro-mission."

Even so, the group welcomed her, listened to her opinions and commiserated. No matter what they thought of the war individually, they agreed their children were in danger every day.

"I did join the 130,000 mothers who are scared," Laurie said.

And some of those mothers - and fathers - are questioning the war.

"I think they don't know how they're supposed to support their son or daughter," Russell said. Because to oppose the war, "they would have to acknowledge that those lives were wasted."

"I think that's the trap that a lot of military parents are in," Laurie said. "You can't acknowledge it because it's too painful."

At a recent silent vigil to support Sheehan, Laurie held a framed Web site address for Military Families Speak Out.

She wanted to let other parents who doubt the war know they weren't alone.

"I think that military families have been pro-mission, but I think that's starting to change."

• Reach Claire St. John at cstjohn@davisenterprise.net or 747-8057.

Sunday, August 28, 2005